Saturday, October 2, 2010

My Dearest Sweet Joshua,

I usually don't write letters to you, not knowing if you will ever read them. But today I feel compelled to write to you.

You, sweet child, are an amazing little boy. Your broken heart has mended so many hearts. You have stirred emotions, thoughts, and beliefs in ways that have changed lives. You have brought my heart closer to God. You have shown me how fragile and precious life really is. You have made me appreciate your brother and sister in entirely new ways. You have brought your daddy and me much closer and have made our relationship much stronger. You, little man. You did all of that.

I want you to know how fully and completely you are loved. I sit by your beside day in and day out, praying for your healing. Praying for you to know how loved you are, not only by me and your daddy, but by thousands of others. Most importantly, you are loved even more by our Heavenly Father who has amazing plans for your life.

Sweet Joshua, I also want you to know that it has not been easy for me to sit by for the past 7 weeks and see you suffer. I have spent many hours praying over you, proclaiming scripture over you, and fully submitting your life up to Jesus. I have sat helplessly as you have turned blue, gasping for air. I have sat helplessly as your body tried to give up- all the while praying for you to continue to fight. I have questioned our decision to save you- to give you a chance at life. I want nothing more for you to live here on earth with us, and I have had to tell myself that we have fought to keep you here for good reasons- that you deserve a chance at life.

I pray that someday you will forgive us for putting you through everything you've been through in your short 7 weeks of life. I pray that you will understand why we did it. I pray that you will one day thank us for giving you a chance at life, because you see, little one, life is beautiful- even amongst the ugly battle we have been fighting to save your life. You are changing lives, you will continue to change lives. We are trusting in God's plan for your life, no matter how long or short.

Joshua, you are one tough little boy. You have made my heart full and complete. Continue to keep fighting and I will continue to keep trusting.  I love you.




kirsten michelle said...

Beautiful. He will cherish this, I know. Keep praying, keep loving, keep fighting. You're one amazing mama. Joshua is a powerful little guy.

Carla Sue said...

That's Love.

Molly Alisa Photography said...

You both amaze me, every day, day in and day out. Praying today.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I'm aware through a friend of yours.
You are an amazing mom! I'm learning so much from you and your family. Joshua is beautiful! The letter is beautiful! Sending you prayers from Southern California! Nan

dee malle said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, my niece lost an infant daughter almost two years ago, and the family is still recovering from that loss. It will take time, treasure your memories of him, and my God strengthen you.

Linda said...

I read about your family on Family Friendly Frugality. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.Joshua is a beautiful baby.My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Tauni said...

I NEED to tell you - your little Joshua has touched my life. THANK YOU for sharing him and his story! Thank you for sharing God's love and power. I read not only this but also the text from your husband and my heart was so deeply touched. Your husband's inspiration, your deep faith - it is VERY inspiring to me! THANK YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh don't know me, but I feel as tho I know you. This letter to Joshua has me in tears. My son died almost 9 yrs ago and I tried and tried to write letters to him in the few days God graced us with him. I just couldn't find the words. I wanted to and I tried. I think I was afraid to, knowing that he would never have the chance to read them, and knowing that I would read them some day after he was gone.
You are amazing! I don't even remember how I came upon this site, but trust me when I say i am SO glad I did! My Jesse was born with CDH (congenital diaphragmatic hernia)and died from complications at 25 days. We had no preparation. He was 1 1/2 months early. We only found out the day he was born. I never held Jesse until after he was gone. It is truely the worst feeling in the world. You are incredably strong. I only wish good things for you and your family! I remember to praise God every day for making me stong and giving me the strength to make the decision to take him off a resparator and ending his pain. (it would have been selfish of me to let him continue life this way, just because I loved and wanted him whole!) We hurt. However Jesse and Joshua are both in better places now, and back with their heavenly father! What more could we ask for our children? Or better..What more could we ask of God's children! Keep fighting and God bless you!
Heidi Toth

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