Our son is sick. Severly sick. And there is nothing I can do to help him.
But that small voice says "Be Still."
I don't want to be still. I'm exhausted. My mind is going to the worst places possible. I feel like we are losing our son. I am doubting that Joshua will ever get to go home. I'm terrified that he will never get to meet his sister.
But that small voice says "Be Still and Know that I AM God."
My faith is not shaken through all of this. Yes, I am weary. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am literally hanging on by a thread, but God is still God. And He is good. His love for Joshua surpasses human comprehension.
He is not surprised by any of this. He knows the plans he has for Joshua. He knows what is best for our family. I am trusting Him. But I am human and I have those God given and created emotions that sometimes get in the way.
Ultimately, it is my prayer that if you do not know Jesus, that Joshua's life will somehow bring you to knowing a Savior who died for you. Watching what my son has gone through and the trials he has endured, I can only imagine what God felt like as He watched his only Son die on the cross for us. He could have reached down and taken the burden that Jesus carried on our behalf, but He chose not to. He CHOSE to allow His Son to die by crucifixion to cover our sins so we can live eternally with Him in heaven. It is through that alone that I have hope for the future for Joshua- whether that future includes life for Joshua here on earth or in Heaven.
Today, I am working on just being still.
12 comments:
My heart is breaking for you! I am storming Heaven's gates and pleading for our Almighty Father to take your burden, comfort you, hold you, calm you while you wait. May He bring Joshua to fully restored health.
melissa
Amen
Mike O.
You are an amazing mother and person. Joshua is strong with you and God by his side!
Jennifer
"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross." -Hebrews 12:1-2
Saying prayers for you and your whole family. I don't know all of the names but God does. I hope you feel a peace wash over you and you can obtain some rest that I know you are needing. Praying for Joshua that he has a restfull time and he gains the weight that is needed and that the episodes of seizures that he is having come to a stop and that he progress as needed for the coming surgery. Praying for doctors and surgeons and nurses! May they all have the good health and rest they need for the days to come! Amen. Rainy
Your faith is incredible. Your strength is amazing. Praying for strength for you and your family.
Melinda
Stay strong in the Lord! Being a heart mom and having been in a similar spot..have they put him on any anti-seizure meds? If not try Kepra it worked for us & I know a few others that use it. Prayers!!
Prayers for peace, rest, and calm in your soul. You amaze me every day.
On Sunday, our Sunday school teacher said something that struck me hard. She was talking about her getting pregnant with baby number 7 when child #6 was 10 years old. She said she didn't know how she was going to handle it (her kids are all healthy, but having a baby so late in life was hard for her to adjust to) she said she prayed and this scripture came to her mind.
Isaiah 6:8 "Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me."
HERE I AM, SEND ME.
Heart parents have so many trials to shoulder and it feels like too much. Sometimes it IS too much, but I firmly believe you were blessed to be Joshua's parents because your heart and faith are so AMAZING that he needed to be with you because you are strong!
Both of my kids have heart defects, and my baby that's due in December had a cyst on his brain. I have my angry days, and my days where I can't hang on anymore, and those are the days that I have to put it to the Lord because he knows what he's doing. He knows these kids can be trusted with me. It's a hard road to walk but in my heart I have to say:
HERE AM I. SEND ME.
Nikki
Mom to Dade (pulmonary valve stenosis), Emmett (Patent Ductus Arteriosus, Patent Foramen Ovale, pulmonary hypertension, preemie-31 weeks, Inguinal hernia at 6 weeks)and Orson, Choriod Plexus Cyst.
www.brokenheartsmended.blogspot.com
your strength and courage and unwavering faith is incredible, jill!
you have so much going on in your life and your heart beats for the souls that do not know Jesus Christ as their Savior. i am beyond moved by your attitude and how you are so real.
my cousin and i have been posting your blog on our facebooks, and she posted it on her (very large) church's website...we are trying to get Joshua's story out there for prayer and support!! love you and am here for anything you need!!
Keep fighting for Joshua! Through the tears, through the pain, through the moments of desperation...keep fighting!
Praying like crazy for all of you. Your strength and belief is amazing.
i'm not a mom, but i'm facing potentially fatal illness myself so i'm on the other end. i see what my Mom goes through, and i'm nowhere near as critical up to this point as Joshua is so i can only imagine. that said... would you like me to give you my cell phone number? i may not be able to understand completely, but i'm here if you want to vent, yell, talk, pray... i can just listen. please do NOT feel obligated to take me up on this, i don't want to pressure you or put my nose in your business, i'm just sincerely wanting to reach out to you because i can tell you're not doing so great and as a sister in Christ, that's what the Body is here for. and because of my medical issues, i'm usually never asleep during the night so it doesn't matter if you want to talk at 3am.
let me know... either way, i'm praying for you. :-)
- michelle
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