Joshua's chest was closed at 10:30am. Shortly after, his blood pressure dropped to dangerously low levels and the doctors and nurse couldn't get them up. Finally, in an instant (undoubtedly because of prayer) his pressures rose and he was stable.
Then, today at 4:30pm I noticed that Joshua was starting to look dusky. His eye lids were turning blue. I said something to the nurse who wasn't so sure. Then, after a few minutes monitors started going off and his lips, face, hands, and feet were blue. Immediately the nurse called the doctor and instantly there were about 15 doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists in the room. They "bagged" him (meaning they put on the hand held breathing bag) and got him breathing. We were lucky in the fact that it happened so quickly that his heart didn't stop. In an instant, he was stable again (once again because we bombarded God with prayers of mercy).
This roller coaster ride is something that we prepared for, but not anything that we could fully understand until we've helplessly watch our baby turn blue in his bed. In that moment, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't even pray. I fully believe the Holy Spirit interceded on my behalf with moans for mercy for Joshua. It's moments like that when I have to continuously hand my child over to Jesus and say "Your will be done." It's moments like those that you realize that God is fully in control, like it or not.
Shane and I have seen the power of prayer at work today. We are humbled at how loved our sweet Joshua is by complete strangers. We are reminded that God has a purpose for this sweet little one, even if it's just for a short while on this earth. Our faith is continuously being stretched in ways that hurt us to the deepest of our beings. But we are trusting. Trusting that God has a plan for sweet Joshua, and that He is in control. What sweet reassurance that brings.
23 comments:
Your strength and trust are so much bigger than I have ever seen in anyone, including myself.
Jill, your posts bring me peace.
I can't tell you how many times a day I cry for you and for Joshua and for Shane. My heart is so full of compassion for you as a friend and as a fellow mother.
And then I get online, and I read posts like this, and I feel at peace.
You amaze me. God has used your family in such a real and honorable way, and you have responded beautifully.
You know that I love you. I am proud to say you are my friend. What a luck little boy Joshua is, to be born to parents like Shane and you.
Jill, stay strong. Keep praying, keep believing that God's Will is the same as yours for Joshua. Sometimes, ok all the time, I have to remind myself that as McKenzie's Mother my will may not always be the one that God has planned for her. It is at times like these that I just have to hand everything over and say "Ok, I get it. Your in control. You have already written the story. Your Will be done."
Prayers for your entire family to find peace. Please know that this is somewhat normal after the chest closure. Remember that Joshua's heart has to learn how to re-work itself. Now add on the closing of his chest and that makes the heart and lungs have to work even harder because of the different pressure. Look at the big picture. Joshua is only a week old and he has already been thru what most people never experience - open heart surgery. And, in the big picture, he has done awesome! What strength. What magnificant character he has already show. Joshua will do this - just in his own time, and in his own way.
Shannon Egan
What a strong family you are, Joshua gets his strength from you undoubtedly! We pray everyday and will always pray! You are amazing!
You know we are walking a similar path this week - it is truly an experience that you can only prepare so much for and roller coaster is an accurate description. Many prayers to you - so glad you are already being such a great heart mom. Those coloring signals will be your first red flag always!
Will continue praying.
I am a fellow member on BBC and am so praying hard for your darling little Joshua; that he may heal and come through this very soon. I pray for you to have continued strength through the hard times. Lots of love to you and your family, Jill. And lots of love to your strong and brave little boy!!!
Praying for peace and healing to Joshua. That first surgery IS so hard to recover from, but it sounds like Joshua is a brave lionheart. You will be in my prayers tonight...
You are amazing, Jill. You strength & trust in the Lord is such a testimony. The Lord is good and we will continue to pray on behalf of sweet Joshua. What a special little boy he is and how blessed he is to have such loving, incredible parents. ((HUGS))
(I just saw your twitter update - praying!)
May God reward your steadfast faith and just know there are prayers coming to you from all over.
My family has been in your shoes, I have so much respect for parents like you. Our daughter and son in law have been through all of this with my 3 year old grandson, those days were so difficult, we will pray for your little one and hope it helps to know there are kids doing well on the other side of this, though I know words cannot describe what you are all going through. Our little guy is such a fighter and doing so well he starts preschool tomorrow. Love, Nathan's proud grandma.
Jill,
I have never met you or your family. I have been follwoing you for about a month. I know the hurt and pain you are going through. That roller coaster ride is unbearable. Please know that I am praying hard for Joshua and for you and your family. Your faith is unbelievable. It makes me feel so selfish. I am praying for the coaster ride to slow down a bit so that you can catch your breath.
Gale Bagwell, Grandma to Ivan Taylor, HLHS, CoArc
I haven't met you either and only started following just before Joshua's birth. A friend of mine hung scriptures up in her sons room. I would like to share another one with you.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:5
Saying prayers for all of you. Rainy
Thank God things came together for you tonight...you all remain in our prayers. And our family at 1in100 is all pulling for you too. All the best, Annamarie & the Saarinen Family
My prayers and thoughts continue to be with all of you. My co-workers continue to keep you in prayer. They are amazed, but not surprised, at how well Joshua is doing in spite of the ups and downs. God is in control all the time. I know you will never forget or stray from that.
Hang in there! I am a mom of two sets of twins and our 2nd set just turned 2. Our little guy Andrew has HLHS and thank the lord has all of his surgeries DONE! We had a heck of a ride though! There were tremendous ups and downs, one step forward and three steps back moments. Keep strong for your little man and we will keep all of you in our prayers.
There were times that I wondered how much my baby could take. Another hurdle? Lord? Seriously? Well meaning people would tell me that the Lord only gives you what you can handle but this is just not true. I think God does give you more than you can handle so that we lean on Him. He want us to give our hearts, hope and grief up to Him. Another thing people often said to me is "I don't know how you do it. You must be really strong. God knew I couldn't handle it." These statements while well meaning are hard to swallow. We are not that strong. We are doing what we have to for our babies. We do not want this but it is what it is and as long as it takes we will fight. Our mother's heart knows nothing else but to hope for our babies. Whisper to your little man all the love in your heart. He hears you, he feels your presence and knows you are there. Praying, praying and praying... Crystal in IL
I had a friend pass along your link! Hang in there! My son, Atticus, also has HLHS. Today was the first day he was out of the hospital longer than he was in the hospital (He's a about 10.5 months old). Trust that God is powerful, and so is prayer. My little Atticus went through 3 open heart surgeries (by 3 months old), exploratory intestinal surgery, a VERY bad Cath procedure which resulted in severe brain bleeds, seizures, the near loss of his right leg, and the loss of part of his earlobe. The doctors counted him out many times over, but we had an army of prayer on our side! To see his full story, and to see exactly how much God can bring one tiny baby through, please visit his website at www.caringbridge.org/visit/atticusgoodahl. God bless, and we'll keep you in our prayers!
You remain in my prayers. Fervently pleading for peace, comfort and healing.
melissa
Jill ~ my dear sweet heart mommy friend! {{{HUG}}} So very sorry for the roller coaster ride you have found yourself on right now. It is definitely hard after OHS especially when they are babies. Theres lots of ups and downs going forward and moving backward. Please hang in there!! I know that God is lovingly watching over precious Joshua!!
Lots and lots of prayers for all of you!!
I continue to keep precious Joshua, all of you, and all his caretakers in my prayers. I know from Steve at Funky Heart that things got even more difficult last night, and I'm holding you all in my heart right now.
The roller coaster ride seems more than one can bear at times yet God always gives us the spirit and strength to carry on. I remember the days following Vince's surgery well along the joy of great news and the plummeting depths of setbacks. As a fellow Heart Mom, I walk alongside of you.
Praying for you sweet Joshua and you and your husband. Praying for God to give you peace and strength. These little guys are alot stronger than we are. He will continue to amaze you.
Many Blessings,
Rhonda (Zeb's mom)
www.lylefamily5.blogspot.com
Jill -- saying lots of prayers for you, Shane, and precious baby Joshua.
Heart hugs,
-joye
Another heart mom here. Found your blog on Stefs blog. Hang in there. It is truly a roller coaster of all kinds of emotions. We are at a more stable time right now and reading your blog brings a flood of emotions back. We will keep your sweet boy in our prayers.
Becca-www.blesselliesheart.blogspot.com
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