Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Love/Hate

Love:


That I have a childhood friend who is gracious enough to let me stay at her place for the duration of our stay in the NICU.

That the only thing Joshua is hooked up to is the NG tube (nose feeding tube), the chest drainage tube, and his heart monitors. The nasal cannula is gone! The drainage tube will be coming out soon so then it will just be the feeding tube and heart monitors!



That I can pick Joshua up anytime I want, and I can provide all of the normal care for him- diaper changes, taking his temperature, comforting him when he cries, etc.

That I have so much milk stored already that they ran out of room to store it at the NICU and I have to store it in my friend’s freezer. (Thank you Elisse for letting me keep it in your freezer…you really are a saint!)

That Shane texted me last night with a Hannah quote: “Dad, my hair is wet. Don’t worry, God will bix (fix) it!”

That I am able to text Shane throughout the day with updates and pictures- keeping him involved with the “care” of Joshua.

That we are in our own private room at the NICU and not out on the main floor in the “pods.” Lot’s more privacy!

That when my baby isn’t high on the methadone, he is alert and bright eyed! Such a sweetie!!!

That God has given me so much comfort through His promises. Whenever worry or fear sneaks up on me, the Holy Spirit has been faithful in reminding me that “I will not take this from you, but it will be manageable.”



Hate:

That Joshua is still on the methadone and has some major moments of being stoned out of his mind.

Being away from Shane, Caleb, and Hannah- missing hearing those funny quotes directly from them

That I have to wear a gown and gloves in Joshua’s NICU room until the MRSA test comes back (standard test for all babies coming from the PICU back to NICU)

Having to leave Joshua in the hands of complete strangers at night.

That Joshua’s “suite buddy” is a screamer.

The way that Joshua turns colors- pale/white to blue to purple to pink

The way that my face has broken out from all of the scratching I’ve done because the hospital makes my face itch.

Missing home….I’ve never been away from home for this long and thinking about it makes me homesick



Continuing to focus on the Loves and not the Hates. Joshua is doing well. That is all that matters. Continue to pray for Joshua’s recovery and that he learns to eat quickly and without problems!



15 comments:

Jenny Lincoln said...

He looks sooo good Jill! Praying that he picks right up on the eating so you can get home and be with your family.

Jenny

Avery Tales said...

I LOVE that the loves outnumber the hates! You are an amazing Mommy and your children are blessed to have you. I'm so glad that Joshua is doing so well. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you'll be at home with all 3 of your babies.

lmpd0617 said...

Oh my gosh, he looks amazing Jill! Seriously, I think that most of these babies don't get normal coloring for a few more weeks and Mr. Joshua looks as good as they get. Its totally sucky to be away from home, but things will get better each and every day.

→Daniele← said...

He is beautiful. Sending prayers for your family!

kirsten michelle said...

In that top picture, he looks like your BABY!! That is so great to see him alert and bright-eyed and looking as he should. I'm so glad you have the things you can be thankful for amidst those things that are so much less than desirable. Continuing to pray ...

Amy said...

Okay, I was doing fine reading this post until I came to that last picture of Caleb "holding" Joshua. Then I lost it. I gotta stop reading your blog at work, haha! I'm just continually amazed by your updates, and I'm so loving all the pictures! Oh, and I admit, I did giggle at the part where Joshua is "stoned out of his mind" not because he's stoned, but because that's how you worded it LOL! Just a funny phrase to apply to such a little person. :-D

Erika said...

He looks amazing! Jill, you are so strong! Hang in there! ((HUGS))

Michelle said...

how much longer do you guess it'll be until you're HOME (not somewhere by the hospital, but your actual place your family lives)? if there's time, i would LOVE to send you guys a care package!

if you're interested, please let me know the address (or even just name) of the hospital. definitely don't expect you to give out your home address to a total stranger you "met" online, but i'd love to send you guys some stuff!

EvaEspinoza said...

He looks great!!! I am praying for him to not go home with any sort of feeding tube. Don't let them push him too hard too fast and trust your instincts. He will turn colors for a while, Julian did until his Glenn last October, now his sats are constant in the 80s and low 90s, now Dad worries that he's flushed. FYI, you will never be satisfied and the worry will always be there, but you learn to trust that God has it under control.

mina said...

Such a blessing that Joshua is doing well, he looks precious, such a cutie! Praying that he continues to overcome the hurdles he is facing also.

Michelle said...

i just got your comment on my blog.

whenever you get the chance, would you PLEASE leave another comment with answers to these questions? :-)

- favorite candy/snack?
- favorite gum?
- drink starbucks?
- how old are other 2 children?
- what shows, characters, etc. are they into?
- is there ANYTHING you'd like me to include? anything AT ALL that i could get that would brighten your day or something you can give me ideas about what to include?
- do you need a calling card or are you allowed to use cell phones in the NICU?
- what grocery stores are nearby? gas stations?

i'm not sure what all i'll be putting in, but if i can get answers to those things, it'll point me in the right direction (i think/hope!) so anything you can tell me would be a great big help!

Stefenie said...

Jill,
There are always pluses and minuses when you are living hospital life. I am glad that Joshua looks so great in his photos and that things seem to be going well. I am sorry though that it has been hard for you watching him go through the withdrawal and other little issues. Sending many prayers for renewed strength for you and for Joshua's continued post op recovery.
Hang in there. It does get better....even if it feels like it is only little by little.

nabrissa said...

that first pic you posted of Joshua is SOOOOOO great!! He's looking soooo good!!!

Paula Blackstone said...

He is so beautiful. I guess it's okay to say that to a baby boy but not when he gets older. You are so uplifting to read on your daily postings. All of you are in the best hands ever - God! Always remember that. Miss you much. I did an update on our prayer list at work (OSV) today. Everyone is remembering you in their prayers daily. And all are excited at the progress Joshua is making. Praise God! Hope to see you soon. Give my little Popeye a kiss.

BlessedMommy said...

Oh my... he is a handsome boy!!! What a cutie! I am continuing to follow you and am sending Joshua lots of prayers!!!

Neysa

 
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