Hope to Always Remember

Our family has been in our new home for 5 months now. It feels like an eternity. It feels like we have always been here and we will always be here. It is truly home.

Every morning, I am reminded of God's faithfulness to our family. As I watch the sun rise through my kitchen window, or see the snow fall softly into our back yard, or listen to my now 16 month old babble in his high chair, I literally feel the arms of God wrapping around me reminding me of his love for me.

I won't lie and say that my life these days is wonderful and without problem. There are plenty of day to day stresses that leave me exhausted and feeling empty, but the stress and pressure that I feel on a daily basis doesn't even begin to touch the stress from a few years ago.

Sometimes, in the quiet moments of my days, I find myself in tears. Not because I'm sad or depressed, but because I feel so incredibly unworthy of the blessings that God has given us. I feel so incredibly thankful for the season of rest that we are in.

I remember 2 years ago, asking God why. Why would he allow my son to die? Why would he allow the attacks on our family? Why did we have to go through the pain that we experienced? Why did God leave me here alone and why can't I find him?

I can honestly stand before you today and say that I don't ask why anymore. Instead of weeping through worship because of the pain and despair I felt, I weep through worship because my heart is overflowing with thankfulness and joy. Instead of searching for God, I can see him and feel him here surrounding us. Anger and brokenness has been replaced with joy, peace, and love.

I hope I never forget these tender months (hopefully years) of rest. I hope I never forget the feeling of peace and joy that I have. I hope the feelings of thankfulness and gratitude never go away.